“You are your commitments. You are what you consistently do. That is your life. That is your story: The things you kept doing no matter what. The things you did anyway. Choose your addictions don’t let them choose you. Choose what and who you attract. Choose your values. Choose your own price. Choose your beauty. Choose your creativity. Choose humanity. Choose your nickname. Chose your brand. Choose your legacy. Choose your life.”
Some of you will know that it’s been all about that play, recently. And now the plans are coming to fruition…. yes, tomorrow is the big day.
I am happy. When I strip down the trappings of anxiety and what-iffing, I am truly, deeply happy. And peaceful. This is what I want to do in the world. I’m doing it. I feel full of love.
Now, at 28 – having written this play – I know that nothing happens overnight. That’s the beauty. Now I know and believe in small victories leading to large ones, which leads me to believe in myself – the girl who gets up for her morning run and making music (and recently recorded an album); who’s been swimming for over two months now; the girl who, occasional slip-up non-withstanding, eats healthy; the girl with a temper who learns how to meditate herself out of anxiety and resulting anger. This girl. Who is not always a girl. But whatever. This person. Me.
I believe in me. I earned it. I earned the faith and the peace. It doesn’t mean I am mistake-proof or fuck-up proof – it doesn’t mean my confidence is all-encompassing. It does mean I am taking responsibility for all my actions and reactions, for what I do, what I think, say to others, say to myself.
So once all that is said, done, established, I am free. Free from pretending I’m shy about my work – free to feel vulnerable when I do, free to be happy, tearful, beautiful, amazed by beauty. I am free. It’s an incredible feeling.
Did I do everything right? Oh hell no.
Will I let it stop me? Hell no, squared.
Am I ready to rock’n’roll?
As you can see – in rehearsal: