I talk a lot, but there are things held back, too. Things I’m scared to talk about, or reluctant. Ashamed. Like when I’m late or cancel, caught up in my brain, I often make a story up because I can’t bear to admit I’m feeling too low to struggle through the door. Or how I numb feeling by reading too much. Or eating, or watching. You throw stuff at feelings you don’t know how to deal with. I’m not alone in this strategy but it feels like I am, sometimes. Continue reading #TimeToTalk – #BreakTheSilence on mental health
I wrote about mental health, because honesty etc. Or, my take on impostor syndrome. Continue reading Good Enough Hack: Name It, Don’t Shame It (Con Artist Syndrome)
6 months left until I hit the big 30! Feeling lost, confused, helpless, sad, confused… Granted, some of it might be due to Brexit. And no sugar diet (hello, withdrawal). The big leading Thing of Things that seems to be happening in my life: in my race to Become A Cool Person (which is not always successful, let’s face it) I seem to have lost … Continue reading Halfway To Thirty (Also Brexit, Fuck)
It needs to be said: I stopped writing, because I don’t know what this journal is meant to be. I got stuck. Yes, perfectionism, but also – I want people to read me. This blog has been more of a place when I come to “write out” my thoughts. Write through the blocks. It’s a me-space that has not become a public space. It’s good … Continue reading What is it about?
Lifestats: articles – too many; Google – carrot cake vegan icing (no dairy diet); Money earned – not enough; Count of fear – high. I wish for a lot of things. I wish I were more conscious of myself, more self-aware, more grounded; I wish I were less frustrated and happier. I wish I had better boundaries, better body, better everything. I wish I did … Continue reading I keep wishing I was someone else
Courage. Take heart. This is literally all I can say to myself, as I: Take a new, uncertain path in life while My relationship is falling around my ears. 2. is, at least in part, caused by 1. – I’m fairly certain. We’re both sensitive artists (read: drama queens) and somebody here needs to put a boundary up and it’s got to be me. In an … Continue reading Bravest of the brave
Google searches: washing trainers without ruining them forever (that was the intention, anyway) Mood: aaaaaargh!! I’ve been writing normal/well-thought-out/structured posts recently, but fuck that shit. Fuck it. Fuck pretending I’m not in a freefall, and that I don’t swear like a sailor when the mood strikes. Fuck respectability politics, fuck staying home all the time, fuck being scared. My old pal frustration is in town. … Continue reading Aaaargh! Madcap run for my life, a.k.a. I have Muppet Underwear, Fuck This